My Girlfriend Wants To Be The Only Woman In My Life

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We found each other on a Whatsapp group. Our arguments always aligned. When everybody chooses green, the two of us would choose white and defend our choice until they accept. It looked like we attended a meeting to decide on our choice before we come to the page but that wasn’t the case. The admin was a friend so she called me, “Are you and that girl sisters? Are you always together? Or you intentionally plan to distract the page with your choices?” I laughed at her. I said, “I don’t even know who that is. Apart from our interactions on this page, we’ve never met or talked on the phone. We only meet here.”

One evening, around 10 pm I had a call. She said, “Kuukua, this is Josephine. Come to the page right now. I need a backup. I went to the page and they were discussing a venue for the next hangout. I didn’t know what her choice was so I sent her a message: “Which one did you go for?” She answered, “The one in Tema. I live close by so it would be easier.” I went to the page and typed in capital letters, “We have to go to Tema. Everything happens in Accra, for once let’s change the location.” A lot of people said no but we also had a lot of people who sided with us. In the end, we settled on Tema. 

She came to my Whatsapp to say thank you and I responded, “What are sisters for?” 

That was the beginning of our friendship. When I needed a backup on the page, she was always there. At some point, we would do our own meeting before we even go to the page to cause a commotion. We lost a lot most time but the ones we won meant a lot to us. 

Finally, the group met in Tema and I saw her for the first time. Our group mate didn’t believe us when we said it was our first time meeting. Everyone thought we were friends long before we met in the group. We were together throughout the meeting. The meeting closed around 6 pm. She told me, “I live around here, let me take you home so one of these days you visit when you have the time.” I was in her house for two hours and one thing I realized about her was her openness. She told me about herself freely and discussed the people in her life as if she was giving me an invitation to be part of them. When it was time for me to leave she told me, “Let me pay for your Uber.” I said, “From here to Accra?” She answered, “Don’t worry.”

And I didn’t worry. 

She called the car and paid the fair and even paid extra just in case I exceeded the stated amount. We hugged, we did the awwwwws and said our final goodbyes. I got home very late and even forgot to call her that I was home. The next morning when I woke up, she had called me thrice and had sent a message, “Are you safe? Please say something, I’m getting worried. When she picked up my call she exhaled; ”Finally! What happened to you? I thought the Uber driver had run away with you.” I laughed; “Dear, I was too tired when I got home so I couldn’t do anything else but sleep.”

She visited my place the following weekend and from the way everything was going, we had become sisters of some sort. We followed each other on all the social media platforms and were very active under each other’s posts. One day she called. She said, “That girl who had been commenting on your photos every day, do you know her personally?” She mentioned the name but I had to go and check before I could remember who that girl was. I told her, “No, I don’t know her. She’s only a Facebook friend.” She answered, “I don’t like the way she’s encroaching on you. Ahh, every photo you post, she’ll be under it saying all sorts of things. She’s getting me angry.”

I only laughed about it because it sounded funny. I said, “I don’t even know her so there’s no reason to be jealous of her. She can’t come between us.” She told me, “Warn her to stay away or else we’ll block her.” 

One thing about Josephine is her kind heart. She’s that girl who will give you her last pesewa and sleep on an empty stomach. She’s that girl who will stand in the rain with just to share her umbrella with you. She’s the only girlfriend I’ve ever had who will visit me with gifts in her hands. One day I asked her, “Have you always been like that?” Her answer was, “If women learn to treat other women better than men would, we wouldn’t go around breaking our hearts because a man left our lives.”

I loved her for that and I also loved her free spirit nature but as the friendship grew, she became more possessive. None of my old friends had been able to be her friends with her because she wouldn’t allow herself to be friends with them. I had invited her to places where my friends were supposed to come along but she declined to attend those events. She said, “I’m a one person at a time kind of girl. I don’t thrive in groups. It’s either you and I or I sleep.” That’s not a problem for me but the issue here is whenever I spend more time with other friends, she gets jealous. She hates it when another woman comes into our space.

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One day, I visited a friend I’m in church with. We were working on a church program together so we had to meet often. I posted a video of us on my status and Josephine came to comment, “I don’t like that girl. Why is she all smiley around you like that? Is she trying to take my place?” Another time, it was about a girl in our Whatsapp group. We went to a program and the lady was sitting next to me. She told me, “Let’s change seats. I asked why and she said, ‘I don’t like how that lady is trying to be in our space.” We changed seats but the way it happened the lady got it. She wasn’t happy. We made it look too obvious that she was the reason we were changing seats.

I like that she loves me and wants me in her life but she also gets me worried about the way she tries to drive everyone away from me. I don’t have a boyfriend and I don’t have guys who are friends. She asked, “I don’t see men coming into your space. It’s always women who try to invade. Does it mean you’re not into men?” I told her, “I used to have a lot of them until they all decided to use me as a meal. They don’t want to stay friends. You’re friends with them today and tomorrow they want you in their bed so I’ve learned to stay away from them.” Her answer was, “Good choice. They are not worth it. All they know is predating on women.”

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She’s giving me some awkward signs but then I don’t have the courage to talk about it—talk about how she really feels about me. Some people have started talking. They think we are more than what we want people to believe. Josephine hasn’t done anything physical to make me think the way other people are thinking but it keeps coming a lot. They say I should have a conversation with her to know her ultimate goal. They say for a woman to be this possessive means a lot but I’ve seen Josephine for who she is. We spent a night together at her place and she didn’t give me those signs people are trying to associate with our friendship.

My question is, how do I start a conversation like that with her without bruising the friendship that we have? She’s very sensitive. If I get this wrong, the cut would be too deep for us to heal so I’m being careful. 

She has been my help in times of need. We haven’t been friends for that long but guess what, when I started complaining that my landlord has increased my rent and wanted to relocate she told me, “You don’t have to relocate if you don’t want to. When the time comes, I’ll help you pay. Life is hard everywhere so it’s good to have a home where you can have your peace.”

She’s that thoughtful but she drives everyone away from me so they think we could be more than who we are or she’s in for something. How do I start a conversation with her in that line?” 

—Kuukua

 

 

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