NAZE Says So: My Journey As A Husband. Pt1

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No wife is perfect and no wife will ever be. Don’t seek for perfection in a woman because you will never get it.

They are difficult to understand but just flow with them and you will understand their world.

As a man who touts himself as a husband, you have a responsibility towards the woman you say you love.

A woman you left all the other women to marry.

A woman you proudly refer to as my wife, my “Mrs”.

Once you took the bold decision to marry her, your wide-eye decided to marry someone else’s “problem” (not in the negative sense though).

You decided to act blind to all her shortfalls because in your heart, you saw nothing wrong with her.

Even if she was having some shortfalls, your heart told you; “boss, don’t worry, she go change”.

You therefore accepted her flaws and went ahead to marry her.

That was the first stage and the easy part. But the real test was when the honey moon euphoria tear your eye top for you to see the real her.

You are stuck with her!

Don’t forget you are also a baggage, but yours will be a topic for another day.

So what do you do?… Do you nag; Do you squeal; Do you complain; Do you run to her parents to complain; What do you do?

Don’t forget that before you married her, you saw something extraordinary in her which you didn’t see in the other ladies.

So what do you do, I ask again?

This is the point where you show that indeed you are a man; not a chauvinist.

This is the point where you show your matured side.

Some of the women we marry today are already broken due to many factors, but know this… It is not your business to fix them; It is your duty as the man in her life to help her fix her.

You are a sort of a guardian angel in her life, but don’t take it upon yourself to correct the damage; You can’t do those corrections because you don’t have that capacity.

You are not God!

But you can motivate and encourage her to work on herself.

Help her to correct the damage.

Encourage her to gain her self confidence, but don’t pressurize her to do so. Just be gentle with her.

Many of us men want to become over night sculptures; so that like a piece of clay, we can mould them into our ideal woman.

When you saw her, she had her own personality but you said to yourself that you didn’t mind at all.

Yes! She is also human and would definitely have some rough edges.

But it takes love, care, affection, time, and dedication to help her smothen all the rough edges so that she can find herself.

You must gently lead her to take the right steps and guide her ways with love and soft spoken words.

Women love to be pampered… So show her some pampering. Shake off that macho pride and do it for her la!

My marriage has not been a ferry tale kind of story; neither has it always been a perfect one.

I have also had my share of the ups and downs, but I told myself from the very beginning that regardless of whatever the situation or circumstances, I will make it work and it is working.

I haven’t gotten there yet, but I know I will get there some day.

My role models have been my parents; My dad was not a perfect man, but he was a good husband to my mother.

Their marriage also inspired me to learn how to become a good husband.

Don’t get it wrong; I have my flaws but gradually, I’m striving hard to better myself in that department.

When I met my wife, she was somewhat broken. Her confidence was low, and she was made to believe that she couldn’t succeed in life.

She was very suspicious about things around her and she found it difficult to trust anyone. Why?

It was all because she was brought up in a broken home. Her parents unlike mine, were divorced.

She made me aware of her background, but I still decided to take the plunge without looking back.

I had to read books on psychology and human behaviour to add up to the psychology I read in school to help her find herself and also, to regain back her confidence.

I had to turn myself into a counsellor. The long calls of confidence to boost her morals was very daunting, but I never gave up on us.

I was willing to go the long haul because I had made a commitment to myself to help her succeed and in helping her, I never knew I was also helping myself to change for the better.

One thing which helped me very much was that I was a man of principles, but I had a very bad temper as well.

What did my wife possess?

She also had a very short fuse.

I realised that in order to make things work, I would have to become the water in bucket to quench the fire whenever that short fuse lit up.

I therefore had to learn how to losen that fiery temper of mine in order to be of help to her.

But I had a gift. A gift to love.

But regardless of my bad temper, I believed in positivity, and this positivity is what has brought us this far.

To be continued…

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Citizen Atare is a Ghanaian who hails from the Upper East Region. He is an ICT professional working at the University of Ghana, Legon. Citizen Atare is an amateur freelance writer and blogger for over 20 years, who likes to research into everyday lifestyle issues and situations, politics, and cultural practices to write about to educate and also entertain his readers. He is a highly creative and motivated, highly inquisitive, open minded and to an extent risk-taking with a high visual acumen. He is a dreamer who isn’t afraid to break creative barriers. He is also a passionate aviation, tech and motoring enthusiast with a lot of knowledge to share and a private researcher. He has no formal education or certificate in journalism, but the hunger to know more and do more, backed by an impressive work portfolio is what drives him to write the things he knows best for his numerous online fans. His hobbies include reading, listening to very good music; especially jazz, writing, watching action, sci-fi and adventure movies, travel and site seeing and swiming. He likes eating fufu and palm nut soup, but prefers boiled rice and kontomire stew with agushie more. Contact me at: pnawurah@gmail.com

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